i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I only lived at night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
