filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
