Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
