I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
