btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
