She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
