kristin has been a bad kristin
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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