the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
