I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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