then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize