Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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