considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
