Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
