we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
