he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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