white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
