i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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