Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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