no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
