God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize