we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
