I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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