i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
