totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
