you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
