and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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