I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
