Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
