Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
