I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
