i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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