the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
