remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
