I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
