I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
