Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
