You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
