someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
