My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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