there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
