Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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