btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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