my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
