Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
