I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
