dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
