No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
