Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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