I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
