I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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